Nearly Half Of American Marriages End In Divorce.
Nevertheless, the word “divorce” itself still carries a stigma with it – especially when children are involved. Many couples forfeit their own happiness and are staying in a marriage that is not working, in favour of the sake of their kids’ well-being and keeping them untouched by the challenges that come with divorce. Their intentions in doing this are undoubtedly good, but unfortunately, the impact on the family is not always positive.
In many cases, a married home does not bring happiness, stability or security in the family. In fact, it often results in the opposite.
We offer you three things to consider if you come across this troubling situation:
1. Your Kids Will Internalize Your Behavior Towards One Another
You and your spouse are creating a kind of relationship blueprint for your child, and intentionally or not, they might learn how to treat others from the way you relate to one another. From the way you and your spouse interact with each other, children will learn what to expect from the partner: respect or dishonour, compassion or hatred, tolerance or disinterest.
Look at your daily interactions and behaviour between you and your partner. Look at who you are and how you are living your life. Is this who you want your children to be? As James Baldwin wrote: “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
2. Bitterness Will Build – And Not Only Between Yourself And Your Partner.
Children may often take one parent‘s side over the other – a common and tragic dynamic that is often seen in children of divorce, but they will always find someone to blame for conflict and unhappiness. They may choose a substitute, such as a troublesome sibling, or a seemingly perfect family from church, but most likely, they will find a way to blame themselves for the family’s problems.
It may result in low self-esteem, anxiety and even depression, and the trauma of broken home can be there even without the legal proceedings of a divorce.
3. Your Children Will Be Living In A Place Of Conflict
Very often, parents think that children are immune to the tension in the home if it doesn’t affect them directly. This is not true at all, as even if they only listen to all the details of you and your spouse’s fight, or simply pick up a tension from the breakfast table, your children know and feel more than you think.
For many children, divorce can be a positive word, and not necessarily an ugly one. In many cases, ending a failed marriage can give you a chance to bring happiness to your life and take full control of it. It can help you heal the wounds, rediscover yourself, grow as a person, and discover a part of you that you never knew it was there. In doing so, you will teach your children to do the same.
Don’t teach your children to settle for almost-good-enough, but teach them to create their best selves. If you demonstrate self-respect, independence and healthy boundaries, your children may be thankful that you did sometimes in the future.