When was the last time you heard a parent refer to their child as their “whoops, we forgot to use protection” child, or “it took a lot of help from doctors to make this happen” child?
No one talks like that, because it would sound ridiculous. Regardless of how the kids became part of the family, they are still your kids. But why do people often forget to apply the same rules for adopted children?
Sandra Bullock wants people to think more critically about that question.
She has two kids: an 8-year-old boy named Louis and a 5-year-old daughter named Laila. She says that her daughter is a real fighter, and it’s the reason she is here today. The actress adopted Louis in 2010 and Laila in 2015 from a foster care.
Bullock said that no matter if she is Republican, Democrat or whatever, no one can tell her what should she do with her body until they have taken care of every child who doesn’t have a home or is neglected or abused.
She brought up a great point: Why do people think it’s necessary to use the term “adopted child”?
Why don’t people say ‘our kids’, or ‘my kid’. No one calls their kid their ‘IVF child’, or the ‘I went to a bar and god knocked-up’ child.
She is damn right.
It can be a very hurtful way of suggesting that somehow the child is less than your own by referring to it as “adopted child”.
Writer Laura Willard explored this issue in 2015, noting how the language parents who adopt use could make a huge difference in the world.
Don’t ask her if she plans to have kids on her own. Her kids are her own.
Most adults have a wording issue. But those words matter for the kids who struggle with attachment or working to feel secure in their families.
The changes might seem small and inconsequential, but they truly matter to parents and kids alike.
Families come in all sizes, colours, ages and genders, and there is no construct that is more legitimate than any other.